Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
There is nothing neat and tidy about life. At least, not mine. In fact, it rather looks like a big ball of yarn that a cat got a hold of. At one point, it seemed to wrapped tightly in a neat little package. But then came along the cat and ever since, its been a mess that seems to follow no logical path and leaves my hopes and dreams scattered like victims on the highway.
It truly does make the heart sick when hope is deferred. In fact, earlier this week I seriously wondered if it was possible for a human heart to simply burst. Seems to me that would be far more managable than dealing with the pain of hope deferred. To be told once again, "Wait," is the last thing on earth I want to hear - especially when the words, "Ok, now it is time," may never actually come.
I've had a few longings fulfilled along the way...just enough to keep me going. And it is a breath of fresh air after sitting in a smokey room.
However, right now, I'm learning to deal with the brokenness of this life. I can't spiritualize it, it just really stinks sometimes. A lot of times, if I'm gut level honest. Things don't turn out the way we hope or plan. Plan A fails. Then plan B fails. We have a long alphabet, so you get the idea. I know in my head that God knows what He is doing, but when hope is continually deferred, one starts to lose the hope of a longing fulfilled. And that is a murderous heartache.
Is God still good? I can't answer that right now. I know the "Jesus answer", but in the rawness of pain, the "Jesus answer" just doesn't cut it. It is a bloody mess of a struggle.
Life is messy. Heartache is inevitable. So I guess the darker the night, the brighter the stars. Or something like that.
