When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw Him, she fell at His feet and said, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died."
The story about the death of Lazarus found in John 11 is my favorite story in the whole Bible right now. There is a genuineness found in this story that I don't find in other parts of the Bible - or maybe it is just one that resonates more deeply with me. I see this as a story about hope.
Mary and Martha knew that Jesus could have stopped the death of their beloved brother, Lazarus. But I enjoy the way they both approach the situation when Jesus does finally show up on the scene...four days too late. Martha hears that Jesus is in the neighborhood and runs out to meet and confront Him in her brokenness. Some people accuse Martha of lacking faith - I mean, she was the busy one. Really though, I think she's just a typical older sister. Her words tell of her faith.
"Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give You whatever You ask."
The fact that our beloved Mary repeats the first part of this word for word tells me that they had been seriously processing the fact that Jesus didn't come through for them. They sat in that dark room crying to one another, not understanding but longing to. They know who He is as evidenced by verse twenty seven, and their faith has been turned on its head because their Christ fell short of their expectations.
Jesus answers her gently and then at some point asks for Mary.
Mary has an entirely different response. One of complete brokenness and confusion and hurt that makes you want to rip your insides out.
She fell at His feet.
Consider that posture. It speaks volumes. In most cases it would be a sign of submission - as it is here as well. But it also a posture of someone deeply aching with the hurt they have experienced. Her pain was double - her brother was now four days in the tomb and her Jesus wasn't there when she needed Him most. In the following verse, we find her weeping. I wonder if she only said those twelve words because that's all she could utter between the sound of her breaking heart and the disappointment in the One she had given her everything to.
Mary was a tender heart, to be sure. But her realness and submission even in the midst of her confusion and mourning even gets Jesus. He sees her - and her friends who were also with her weeping - and He is deeply troubled. The God of the universe was impacted by this beloved woman who was hurting. He took that pain upon Himself and He wept...then went to work.
Something in that story really resonates with me. Jesus allowed the unthinkable to happen in Mary and Martha's life. And the worst part was that He never bothered to show up. But I have a sneaking suspicion that He was never really far from them. He needed it to happen, not just for them, but for the entire world to see the way He would bring glory to the Father through the situation. He knew their threshold all along. He met them toe to toe at just the right point in the story. All hope was gone, but then He came through. Isn't that just what He does?
Lord, please come through in my life
Please help me to hold on to the story you are weaving
When all hope is gone, bring this to mind
And let me remember that You love even when it doesn't feel like it
So that I can step out boldly in the faith You have given me
9.29.2008
9.27.2008
Proverbs 16:9
"In his heart a man plans his course,
but the LORD determines his steps."
This verse has been meandering in my mind lately. It has randomly come up in various emails and from the mouths of those around me. I think God is trying to get my attention.
I have plans. The problem is, I'm not sure how they all work out. Here's what I mean:
I want to be a writer. I want to live in Boone, NC. I want to be a photographer. I want to live in Colorado. I want to be a nurse. I want to be a missionary. I want to live in Africa. I want to learn French. I want to learn Swahili. I want to go back to school to become a literacy specialist. I want to be a wife and mom. I want to have many more adventures.
Living here in PA was never in my plans. In fact, if memory serves, I really tried to avoid the Northeast. But God, with His sense of humor, brought me here for His purposes. I had a plan/dream to get into mobilization, but He determined the steps - living at home for a year and then moving here. Looking back, I see some reasons for the way things happened. I don't know that I will ever understand them all. And that's ok, I don't need to.
I've been thinking long and hard about going back to school for a year to become a literacy specialist - to train people to read in their language so they can read Jesus' words in their mother-tongue. And in the last three weeks that I have pondered on it, it seems that I have gotten great amounts of encouragement toward it...but tremendous doubts have also assailed me. One big one being that if I do this, I will be better off being single so as not to drag my family all around with me. Then comes the realization of how petty that is - I'm worried about getting married and having a family when there are people dying apart from Jesus every day. Where are my priorities?
I have a course planned for my life. Thankfully, my plans are always set in Jello. God is going to determine the steps for me; it isn't something I need to fret about. I know it will most likely not consist of a large blinking sign saying "This way!", though that would be great. I'm not sure what His leading will look like - but I know that a heart committed to Him will reflect His plans - so that's my game plan.
I just wish I could remember that every single moment of every single day.
When will I be able to fully trust You?
My dreams seem impossible.
Yet to You, nothing is impossible.
You know my heart.
It is all I have to offer.
Be gentle, please.
I can't take much more.
but the LORD determines his steps."
This verse has been meandering in my mind lately. It has randomly come up in various emails and from the mouths of those around me. I think God is trying to get my attention.
I have plans. The problem is, I'm not sure how they all work out. Here's what I mean:
I want to be a writer. I want to live in Boone, NC. I want to be a photographer. I want to live in Colorado. I want to be a nurse. I want to be a missionary. I want to live in Africa. I want to learn French. I want to learn Swahili. I want to go back to school to become a literacy specialist. I want to be a wife and mom. I want to have many more adventures.
Living here in PA was never in my plans. In fact, if memory serves, I really tried to avoid the Northeast. But God, with His sense of humor, brought me here for His purposes. I had a plan/dream to get into mobilization, but He determined the steps - living at home for a year and then moving here. Looking back, I see some reasons for the way things happened. I don't know that I will ever understand them all. And that's ok, I don't need to.
I've been thinking long and hard about going back to school for a year to become a literacy specialist - to train people to read in their language so they can read Jesus' words in their mother-tongue. And in the last three weeks that I have pondered on it, it seems that I have gotten great amounts of encouragement toward it...but tremendous doubts have also assailed me. One big one being that if I do this, I will be better off being single so as not to drag my family all around with me. Then comes the realization of how petty that is - I'm worried about getting married and having a family when there are people dying apart from Jesus every day. Where are my priorities?
I have a course planned for my life. Thankfully, my plans are always set in Jello. God is going to determine the steps for me; it isn't something I need to fret about. I know it will most likely not consist of a large blinking sign saying "This way!", though that would be great. I'm not sure what His leading will look like - but I know that a heart committed to Him will reflect His plans - so that's my game plan.
I just wish I could remember that every single moment of every single day.
When will I be able to fully trust You?
My dreams seem impossible.
Yet to You, nothing is impossible.
You know my heart.
It is all I have to offer.
Be gentle, please.
I can't take much more.
9.12.2008
John 11:33-35
"When Jesus saw [Mary] weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, He was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. "Where have you laid him?" He asked.
"Come and see, Lord," they replied. Jesus wept.
Often quoted for being the shortest verse in the Bible, John 11:35 gives me hope this week.
On the plane ride from the Carolina's back to PA, I was overwhelmed with the thought that I have become somewhat of a modern-day nomad in the last six years of my life. I feel as though I am not at home anywhere, yet I feel at home everywhere. It is a paradox that I am still working out - but I don't see it changing anytime in the near future. I suspect I will keep moving around for the years to come.
Coming back to PA after a trip out West (and to SC) has proven to be just about all I can handle. Tears have threatened my eyes too many times to count in the past week.
Perhaps it is because I realized just how tough the last two months have been by being away. Perhaps it was because I connected so well with others out West and have struggled to do that here to the same level. Perhaps it is because I felt like I was coming "home" to a strange place after feeling so at home all week, but knowing that this is supposed to be home. Perhaps it is because there is no true escape for me here - no place of complete peace. Perhaps it is because disappointment still hits me hard, even when I try to ignore it. Perhaps it is because everything in my life keeps transitioning, nothing seems to be stable. Perhaps it is because I'm a fragile person who can only take so much of this life before my heart overflows with all the losses.
Regardless of what it is that has caused this stream of tears in my heart, I take comfort in the fact that my very Saviour shed His own tears at the difficulties endured in this life. He was no stranger to this road of transition and loss. It was all around Him. And yet, shedding tears was not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of humanity. That is a Saviour that I can identify with.
It has taken me a long time and many counseling sessions to realize that it is ok to cry. I try not to, but then I realize that it is a gift that God gave us. The human heart needs a form of release. It can be a sign of brokenness and pain, but it is not a sign of a faltering faith.
"Come and see, Lord," they replied. Jesus wept.
Often quoted for being the shortest verse in the Bible, John 11:35 gives me hope this week.
On the plane ride from the Carolina's back to PA, I was overwhelmed with the thought that I have become somewhat of a modern-day nomad in the last six years of my life. I feel as though I am not at home anywhere, yet I feel at home everywhere. It is a paradox that I am still working out - but I don't see it changing anytime in the near future. I suspect I will keep moving around for the years to come.
Coming back to PA after a trip out West (and to SC) has proven to be just about all I can handle. Tears have threatened my eyes too many times to count in the past week.
Perhaps it is because I realized just how tough the last two months have been by being away. Perhaps it was because I connected so well with others out West and have struggled to do that here to the same level. Perhaps it is because I felt like I was coming "home" to a strange place after feeling so at home all week, but knowing that this is supposed to be home. Perhaps it is because there is no true escape for me here - no place of complete peace. Perhaps it is because disappointment still hits me hard, even when I try to ignore it. Perhaps it is because everything in my life keeps transitioning, nothing seems to be stable. Perhaps it is because I'm a fragile person who can only take so much of this life before my heart overflows with all the losses.
Regardless of what it is that has caused this stream of tears in my heart, I take comfort in the fact that my very Saviour shed His own tears at the difficulties endured in this life. He was no stranger to this road of transition and loss. It was all around Him. And yet, shedding tears was not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of humanity. That is a Saviour that I can identify with.
It has taken me a long time and many counseling sessions to realize that it is ok to cry. I try not to, but then I realize that it is a gift that God gave us. The human heart needs a form of release. It can be a sign of brokenness and pain, but it is not a sign of a faltering faith.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
