Genesis 29:31; 30:1, 22

"When the LORD saw that Leah was not loved, He opened her womb, but Rachel was barren."

"When Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, she became jealous of her sister."

"Then God remembered Rachel; He listened to her and opened her womb."

Back in this day, a woman's identity flowed from bearing children. From these two sisters (and their two handmaidens), we get the 12 tribes of Israel...however, when I read this story in Genesis, I can't help but be saddened by what I see.

Jacob is crazy in love with Rachel as we see he worked for 7 years to earn her from her father. Rachel's father, without thinking to let Jacob know, instead gives Rachel's older sister, Leah, to Jacob. When Jacob confronts the man, he simply says that it's not custom to give the younger daughter first. In trying to do the right thing for his daughters (though through deceitful means), Laban (their father) seemed to set them up for a life of pain.

First off, we see that Leah was not loved by Jacob. But not only do we see it, God sees it. I love this passage because it shows that God is not removed from the intimate details of our lives. He knows the way we feel and sees our hearts...and isn't afraid to step in. God, being the ultimate Father, sees that His daughter is living day in and day out with the ache of being unloved in her marriage, so He blesses her with her own children in effort to take away from the hurt. Each child's name bears witness to her belief that God was watching and listening. However, it wasn't until after her fourth child, Judah, was born that she decided she would praise the LORD. How did God feel through the first three gifts of children? Surely she was thankful, but it didn't seem to have stuck. I fall into this trap often of being discontented with circumstances in my life...but I wonder what would happen if I decided to just be thankful and praise Him regardless? I wonder what would happen if I found my true identity and joy in Him alone? How much of the heartache in life would be cut out?

The next part of this breaks my heart, perhaps because I have always longed for a sister of my own. Because of the situation involved, the sisters were not happy for each other, but rather lived in jealousy. I know firsthand how jealousy rips relationships apart as we become a slave to it. Not only did this effect the sisters, but I'm sure it weighed heavily on Jacob as well as effecting their children. We see later on that this jealousy continues through their family line when the brothers plot to kill Rachel's firstborn, but instead sell him off. Granted, God used it for good, but what an awful way to live. In Ephesians, there is a heavy emphasis on unity of the Body of Christ - jealousy is the antithesis of unity. I wonder what history would have looked like had these sisters decided to get over themselves and love one another and be happy for one another.

As we know from this story, God didn't leave Rachel barren, but allowed her to have her own children. God is not deaf to our cries for help, but neither does He always answer immediately. I wish I knew more about Rachel through this barren time in her life. We see that she got impatient and gave her handmaiden to Jacob to build a family through her. However, what was her heart's cry through this time? Was her heart hardened or softened through this? If God's kindness leads us to repentance, did Rachel have this sense of repentance?

But I cannot leave this question in the past for someone else, I have to ask it of myself. What is my heart's cry? Do I believe that God is really listening and has it under control? Will I trust Him with these details of my life? Will I live a life defined by gratitude, regardless of the situation? When He responds in the way I had hoped for, will I remember to thank Him and trust Him a little more the next time around?